Story Redesign

[StalkerDays]

Update: 05/15/2008 - added 6 more pages. Total = 10 manga script pages of 1st chapter
05/26/2008 - added Prototype Title and Tagline page + Chapter 0 synopsis

After finishing the summaries for Stalker Days, I realise that there were points in it that I felt could of went further if I change the plot a bit...
well, I did and feel that the story is stronger because of it. Also the name has changed to that of....

[center][W]orld

Connor Sparks is a 19-year old student, bored with his routine lifestyle. One day decided that since his life was so dull, would secretly study those around him, knowing that each day would be different from the next. So began his double life as well as his obsessive writing into the diary that he calls, “The World”. Every second of every hour is written into this diary. If it isn’t written, it doesn’t exist in Connor’s mind. He records the names of people as well as what they say, and what they are doing at that moment. He’ll even create situations to cause a reaction from said people.

Upon his way home from school, he encounters a strange young girl, close to his age, seemingly waiting in front of the entrance of his parent’s house. When he asks who she is, he gets no response from her. Yet, her eyes are another story, “I see you” they say. That night, still thinking about the girl he met earlier in front of his parent’s house, he hears tapping sounds. As he gets closer to the sound, it becomes more apparent that it is coming from the window. Upon checking the window, to his horror, he meets the same girl once more.

She speaks to Connor, introducing herself as a fellow Stalker named Katz. Katz tells Connor that he was a very boring fellow til he became a Stalker, but says he still novice at it. If Connor wants more excitement than he must go further, but if he can’t handle it, then he’ll continue being a boring individual.

The next day, Connor is still troubled by the words of Katz. Upon entering his classroom, his mouth drops when he sees the once, empty seat behind him, now occupied by Katz. His life has been turn upside down now as everywhere Connor goes, she is there. Everyone Connor loves, she has taken. Connor’s mind slowly begins to unravel as one life has been compromise. While the other, has become consume with mystery and dread.

Stalking is what binds both Connor and Katz, but what Katz desires from Connor is still a mystery. Connor decides that no matter what it takes, no matter how far he must go, if it isn’t written, it does not exist. Although Connor’s belief in such words has been good so far, the secret of Katz will lead down to a path that will either make or break him.

Who is Katz? What does she have plan for Connor? Will the excitement be Connor’s downfall?

---------

Here is the first 10 pages of it done in typical Manga/Comic script
format. As well as the links to the Title and Tagline page + Chapter 0 synopsis.

Title and Tagline: http://www.keepandshare.com/doc/view.php?u=595714
Chapter 0 synopsis: http://www.keepandshare.com/doc/view.php?u=595715

[StalkerDays]

I know it's double posting, but I didn't want the first post to be too long and discourage those from reading, since the dreaded "wall of text" can get to some people.

First 10 pages of chapter one

Page 1:
Panel 1: A glamorous bedroom, engulfed in blood. Exotic walls covered in faux crocodile skin wallpaper, bold geometric shapes and mirrored accents. A lush 1920s Hollywood feel.
The centerpiece of it all is a nude woman, mid 30s, hair draped over blood-soaked pillows, arms and legs extended out with cuts and bruises, her ribcage seemingly ripped open, an expressionless look across her face.
To the left-hand side, stands in the shadows, an ominous figure, female, early 20s, holding a cellphone as if taking a picture with the built-in camera.

CAP: This is the lie that I live...and yet...

Panel 2: A small, traditional classroom, 2 doors, 5 windows on the opposite side, cramped with 30 or so students, each of which show signs of fatigue and boredom with a few fast asleep.
A student, male, 19, wild hair, bags under his eyes, sitting in the middle of it all, writes in what looks to be a notebook.
In the right-hand corner, a student, female, 18, hair pulled back into a bun, wearing glasses, observes the student while leaning against the window next to her, seemingly clueless to what goes on around her.

CAP: Where does the truth lie?!

Page 2 & 3:
1-panel splash page: A dimly lit corridor, hundreds of moldy television sets on either side, bunched up, with some having a few cracks on the screen.
Smalls puddles on the concrete floor, forming a pattern, which leads a slouched figure, male, wearing an attire similar to that of a prep school student, towards an endless darkness, in the shape of hands, up ahead. His hands hidden in his pant pockets.
On the television screens are various distorted images, resembling those of people, male and female, young and old, all of which are gazing upon the figure, seemingly staring through him.

CAP: The one who watches...is always the one being watched!
TITLE: Watch 1 - See Me

Page 4:
Panel 1: A stack of graded test sheets lie on a dresser. The name, “Connor Sparks”, can be read at the top right corner as well as the letter grade of “D-” in huge letters, circled.

Panel 2: The ominous figure stares down at it. The back of their head blocking the view of the sheets of paper.

Panel 3: A bloody-tipped finger presses down on Connor's sheet, right at the bottom of the “D”.

Panel 4: The finger moves downward, forming what now looks to be a “P” due to the blood running down for fingertip.

Panel 5: The finger moves upward, curving to form what now looks to be a “B”.

Panel 6: The figure stares at the newly made “B-”.

Figure(Katz): Much better...

Panel 7: The figure heads for the door, exiting the room.

Page 5:
Panel 1: The figures goes down a flight of steps, brushing their hand against the wall to their right. The words, “Sparks my interest” written in what looks like blood.

Panel 2: The figure walks pass a table with a digital clock on it.

Panel 3: The digital clock on the table starts buzzing as 1:00 pm flashes briefly.

Panel 4: The cellphone in the figure's hand shows on the screen: 04/25/2008, 1:00 pm, Meet him.

Page 6:
Panel 1: The figure turns around, facing the stairs.

Panel 2: The figure points the cellphone towards the same direction.

Figure(Katz): Just one more...

Panel 3: The cellphone flashes as if taking a picture.

Figure(Katz): There!

Page 7:
Panel 1: The figure, devious eyes and a saucy grin, looks on, satisfied with how things came out.

CAP: Katz, Age 21

CAP: From the eyes lost in the normal world of society...

Page 8:
Panel 1: The student is staring down at something in an empty classroom.

CAP: Connor Sparks, Age 19

Student(Connor): ?

Panel 2: Connor looks up, making eye contact with a lean man, hair slicked back, in a suit wearing glasses.

Panel 3: Connor pushes the notebook to the edge of his desk.

Panel 4: The notebook falls off the edge of his desk.

Panel 5: The notebook lands into his opened backpack.

Panel 6: Connor stands up from his seat.

Connor: Late again...

Panel 7: A clock overhead shows the time to be 3:56 pm.

Page 9:
Panel 1: Connor walks out the entrance of the school, slouched, hands in his pant pockets. His backpack strapped across his chest.

Panel 2: Connor heads for the front gate.

Teacher: Connor Sparks!

Panel 3: Connor stops, turning his head slightly.

Connor Sparks: Huh?

Connor Sparks: Aren't you the substitute?

Panel 4: The man who woke Connor shortly before stands at the entrance, worried.

Panel 5: From the back of the man, we see Connor turned fully, facing him.

Teacher: Yes! I wish to have a word with you.

Panel 6: A look at Connor's mouth, bored, as if irritated at the need to respond.

Connor Sparks: Tomorrow!

Page 10:
Panel 1: The man is taken aback.

Panel 2: Connor scratches his head, his tired eyes, glancing away and up to the sky. His posture is that of a laid back individual.

CAP: ...is a pair that has found the means to escape!

Connor Sparks: I'm late already as it...

Connor Sparks: Later days!

[Austen]

Now, here is a fine piece of example writing that some need to take a good look at. I like it. GHJY, look at how SD writes in a descriptive method that can convey the images in our head.

On to the point; I like the idea of the story...though, when I read the first paragraph my mind began to change the story, creating one of my own. I wondered if to Connor no one else in the world exists, only because he doesn't see them. Kind of like that age-old question, if a tree falls and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? This would be like saying, if you're not there, does the rest of the world exist? I find that an interesting question to play on the psyche, mainly because in everyone's mind, at one point in time, they felt like they were the center of the universe. Well, that's what my mind thought of while reading the first paragraph...besides that...it's good, so far. I'd love to see more.

[StalkerDays]

Actually, you be right about Connor. He is more or less discontent with the world he lives in and that's where "his" world comes in.

Have you seen the movie "Videodrome" with James Wood? Connor's metamorphosis will be similar in that as the story moves forward the world he lives in will cease and "his" world will be more dominant. Leading to a point where people maybe standing right in front of him, but he will no longer see them as they are in the "normal" world, but as they are in "his" own.

Hope that makes sense....

[Arcademan]

Unless you have new information to post or something useful to add, do NOT bump your own thread please simply because you think it'll fade into obscurity. This is your only warning. Thank You.

[StalkerDays]

I apologizes for the unnecessary bump and it won't happen again.

[FlyHigher]

Pretty good so far. Got any concept art?

[StalkerDays]

I sure do, but at the moment, I am not close to a scanner to scan them. However, I should have them up by at least late Monday evening.

They're primarily sketches of the characters to try to get a concrete idea of how I want the characters to look like.

Also, in my first post, are 2 links to the title and tagline page as well as chapter 0 synopsis.

[EphiamOricuna]

Oh wow. Ha ha. Sorry if I bump this up after it has been inactive for so long, but I just see the link in Stalker's profile and I had to come around and take a look at it. I'm glad that I did.

I mean...the description is great! I usually lack the ability to describe something, but when I look at this it inspires me to do so! You definitly have a good ability to describe things, Stalker. I managed to get mine (partially) finished because of this!

You've got to post more (if there is any)! It's good to see someone around here who is also writing in the same kind of way I'm doing it!

[StalkerDays]

Actually, thank for bumping it. The reason for it being inactive is primarily because I'm working on this as well as my graduation animation for school.

Anyway... thanks for the compliment on my descriptions and also I'm happy if it helped you in anyway with your own script, which I must say is pretty good so far.

Also, I hope to finally post some character designs since I finally got me a new scanner.