What do you think of this manga?

[Erisu-Chan]

G'day,

I have been creating my own manga for over a year now and was wondering if anyone thinksthis story logline is any good, my manga's name is 'Wolf Emerald' :D


The story of 6 outlaws fighting to get back what they’ve lost in their emotional journey and coming together to face their common foe in hope of taking back the 3 worlds (Man, Fantasy and dead). Together they must rebuild the ultimate sword that slew the Wolf Emerald of Hell 500 years ago, as the day she returns is soon…sooner than they think as this time there is no hero to save them as their hero becomes the one thing they swore to destroy.

(note: no one is allowed to take this peice of work without my permission, nor say it is their own :mad: -it is own by myself, Elise Boyd. Thankyou:) )


-Erisu-Chan

[miller2]

I think this might be good
Hows your art coming along??
How many pages are there so far??

I give the paragraph above 4/5 stars

[deviantmemories]

I thought that was really good i wish i could write stuff that made sense or was good

[Libby]

It sounds kind of cliched... Maybe it's partly just the words you're using: "fighting to get back what they've lost" "emotional journey" "coming together to face thier foe"... That's three incredibly overused and cliched phrases in one sentence! O.o (Makes it sound like a parody of bad movie trailers. ^_^) Frankly, it makes me wince to think of what the writing in the actual manga will be like.

The general plot, too, is so hackneyed... outlaws becoming the world's only hope... having to find a powerful sword... the hero becoming a bad guy... Of course, the reasons these things are overused is that they are fun to read and easy to write. And if it were just one or two things in an otherwise original story, it's okay. But *everything* about this story I've seen many times before. *yawn*

Think of something that will make your manga extra special and original -- something that you've always wanted to see in a manga and never have. Find a unique vision and stick to it, and you manga will be much more interesting!!!

[Lin West]

how about not using typical fantasy cliches?

instead of being heroes saving the world with a giant magical sword how about they are just a bunch of no good outlaws with no redeeming qualities? then as the story progresses you find out what made them who they are and why they've become such horrible people. and make the number smaller for gods sake, its better to have a small bunch of intimate characters than a large group of characters with varying/conflicting personalities. While it may SEEM like it adds more dynamic it'll only takes away. (plus outlaws dont tend to travel in large groups unless they're a gang)

and how about they just want to remake the sword so they can get rich, with no noblilty behind it? why is the wolf thing returning in the first place, isn't it dead-ish?

Just keep working on it, try to think about things people haven't done and what would be interesting. good plots take time to develope, and so do good characters. good luck with your project, hope my input was of some value. :)

[YamPuff]

how about not using typical fantasy cliches? :)[/B]

:D Encore!!! (Read my sig; its all there):D

When I do anything I immediately go out of my way to make it something no one has done before, or as original as I can get it to be, whether it be art or stories.

But it does have a good feel to it. The most important thing would be it's execution. (No, not its death; I mean the other kind) I mentioned Magic Knight Rayearth before. If I said my manga was about three girls going to a magical world and saving a princess, you'd laugh me off the stage, but MKR was done so beautifully, with humor and great characters and surprisingly appealing bad guys that it was a huge sucess. So take MKR as an inspiration.

[mangadragon]

The manga sounds okay, but needs more definition in the storyline. As others have said, it sounds too cliche at the mo. so take a break from it, go on an excursion to the movies or read a book you've never read before; and come back to it with new eyes. a lot of manga authors research for at least some things in their manga, like recipes or armor, architecture, even other authors!

[Pig-kun]

The story of 6 outlaws fighting to get back what they’ve lost in their emotional journey and coming together to face their common foe in hope of taking back the 3 worlds (Man, Fantasy and dead). Together they must rebuild the ultimate sword that slew the Wolf Emerald of Hell 500 years ago, as the day she returns is soon…sooner than they think as this time there is no hero to save them as their hero becomes the one thing they swore to destroy.



I'd just like to note that the second sentence of your "logline" is a truly horrific run-on and that the whole thing is a confusing mess, so here's some helpful links regarding logline summaries:
From Scriptologist.com (http://www.scriptologist.com/Magazine/Tips/Logline/logline.html)
From Writing World (http://www.writing-world.com/screen/coverage.shtml)
From Writers Heaven (http://www.sra-ink.com/wheaven/pitch.html)
(EDIT: Also, I am aware of my hypocrisy re: run-ons. shhh.)

I think the logline would work better without "as this time there is no hero" and what comes after it, as it makes the summary much less convoluted. Stuff like that is something you should save for the longer main summary, where you can go into it in more detail.

Otherwise, I have worries regarding the cheese/cliché factor, what with a term like "wolf emerald" being bandied about, in addition to other things that others have mentioned. However, I can't really say much without more information. If this is something you're planning to pitch to Tokyopop, though, I'd recommend you work on something less likely to be "lol epic" to start with, and save this for later. That way, you can get some more practice in, and when you're ready to return to this idea, you can look at it with a new eye for what works and what doesn't, and so on and so forth.

[stickmanbob0]

hmmm sounds interesting