Monty Python and the Holy Grail

[kakashi]

I love Monty Python and the Flying Circus! This movie is awesome. I have watched it millions of times! Once you watch it you go around saying stupid stuff like "Ni", "I'll bite your legs off!", and "One...Two...Five!"


Tim: Follow. But. Follow only if ye be men of valor, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived. Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.
King Arthur: What an eccentric performance.


Tim: There he is!
King Arthur: Where?
Tim: There!
King Arthur: What? Behind the rabbit?
Tim: It *is* the rabbit!
King Arthur: You silly sod!
Tim: What?
King Arthur: You got us all worked up!
Tim: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit.
King Arthur: Ohh.
Tim: That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!
Sir Robin: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!
Tim: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!
Sir Galahad: Get stuffed!
Tim: He'll do you up a treat, mate.
Sir Galahad: Oh, yeah?
Sir Robin: You mangy Scots git!
Tim: I'm warning you!
Sir Robin: What's he do? Nibble your bum?
Tim: He's got huge, sharp... er... He can leap about. Look at the bones!
King Arthur: Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!
Sir Bors: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!

after Bors is killed by the killer rabbit
Tim: I *warned* you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you *knew*, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little *bunny*, isn't it?

[Miako]

*giggles* Ha! These movies are fun. I use to say "ni" a lot in like... 9th grade after seeing one. And to this day I still say "___ has been sacked" via the beginning credits of Holy Grail. Life of Brian is always hilarious. In my drama class we had these two boys who ALWAYS did skits from Monty Python movies... that was kinda annoying.

[limabeansaregross]

Wai~! Holy Grail is definitly one of the best movies ever made! It's great just to randomly quote it... especially around people who haven't seen it yet. ^^ And the taunting!!!

French Soldier: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

my friends always think that it's weird that I go off on Python rants all the time just quoting the movie. ^^

[Aratos]

"and they were forced to eat robins minstrels. And there was much rejoicing"

[kakashi]

"and they were forced to eat robins minstrels. And there was much rejoicing"
"Yaaaay!" Such annoying minstels...

[kakashi]

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Who goes there?
King Arthur: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England!
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Pull the other one!
King Arthur: I am, and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: What? Ridden on a horse?
King Arthur: Yes!
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: You're using coconuts!
King Arthur: What?
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.
King Arthur: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through...
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Where'd you get the coconuts?
King Arthur: We found them.
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!
King Arthur: What do you mean?
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Well, this is a temperate zone
King Arthur: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
King Arthur: Not at all. They could be carried.
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
King Arthur: It could grip it by the husk!
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.
King Arthur: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?
King Arthur: Please!
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Am I right?

[chocopocko]

Monty Python was so funny!!
"its only a flesh wound!"

"ok lets call it a draw"

"come back here you ninny i'll bite your legs off!"

[kakashi]

Monty Python was so funny!!
"its only a flesh wound!"
"What are you going to do, bleed on me!?!?"

[Aratos]

"Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot.
He was not afraid to die,
O brave Sir Robin.
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin!

He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,
Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken,
To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin!

His head smashed in and his heart cut out
And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off
And his pen--"

"That's... that's... er... enough music for now lads. Looks like there's dirty work afoot!

"Bravely Robin ran away
Bravely ran away away
When danger reared it's ugly head
he bravely turned his tail and fled
Yes brave sir robin turned about
and gallently he chickened out
bravely taking to his feet
he beat a very brave retreat
braver than the brave, Sir Robin!"

Yep, I'm sad. I can probably remember the camelot song, too.

[mei-chan]

The Bold Sir Robin song always makes me laugh..Oh wait, the entire movie does. And Ataros, you are not sad. I couldn't quote anything right now, but onve the movie is one, I get really bad as well. I think The Holy Grail is the funniest MP movie.

[Jacku]

Monty Python fans! *squee*
:D
I love the Holy Grail movie but I must confess... I like Life of Brian more. :)

[Aratos]

Now don't get me started on the life of brian. The songs in that are much longer.

"brothers, brothers, why do we fight amongst ourselves? We should be fighting the real enemy"
"The judean peoples fron?"
"No! The romans!"

[Jacku]

Look on the bright side of life!
I should download that song and play it over and over and over... It should drive a lot of my friends nuts. :p

[chocopocko]

anyone else like Monty Pythons Flying Circus ? and if yes did you dee the parrot one? or the SPAM one?

[Jacku]

I based my anti-spam picture on the spam skit.
I really like the Spanish Inquisition skit, too. I kept asking people "Did you expect the Spanish Inquisition?" and only one person got the joke. *sigh*

[chocopocko]

poor Jacku no one understands your refined sence of humor.:(
the parrot one is funny(they try to sell a dead parrot to one of the people)and the one where someome prints a language to language book with dirty things instead of the actual translations.ex.
wants to say "i want to buy a pack of cigarettes"
says " i like it when people rub my legs"
or something like that.

[Jacku]

I remember those skits. They were hilarious!
I feel sorry for that dead parrot though. *sigh*

[Dusty Chalk]

I <3 Monty Python -- Flying Circus, And Now For Something Completely Different ("...a man with two noses..."), Holy Grail, Life of Brian (haven't seen it in so long)...

I need to go see Spamalot.

[Aratos]

lessee. Dead parrot sketch...

"This parrot is dead. It is a stiff. It has ceased to be. Berefit of life, it has joined the choir celestial."

Of course my favourite has to be the lumberjack song.

And incidently, and now for something etc etc was just a rehash of sketches from the show made for an American audience.

[Jacku]

Many of my friends are lumberjacks and only a few of them are transvestites!

Or something like that. It's been a while since I've seen that episode.

[Aratos]

"I chop down trees, I wear high hells, suspendies and a bra! I wish I'd been a girly, just like my dear pa-pa!"


and as for the animations;
"Once upon a time, there was a happy prince. He frollocked and danced all day long. One day, he got a spot, but he ignored it and kept on living a carefree life. Then he died of cancer."

"Well, with burial we stick them in a big wooden box and dump them in the ground to be eaten by worms. Which is a bit nasty if they're still alive. With cremation, we set fire to them, which again would be a shock if they turned out not to be dead, then we give you some ashes and you can pretend it's them."

[Jacku]

I wonder if I can download the lumberjack song somewhere. Now that's something I want to get my friends to listen to multiple times.

[kakashi]

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath

Life's a piece of ****
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...

[Aratos]

Must..not...be...outdone...

Whenever life gets you down Mrs. Brown,
And things seem hard or tough,
And people are stupid, obnoxious or daft
And you feel that you've had quite enough...

Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
Of the galaxy we call the 'Milky Way'.

Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
But out by us it's just three thousand light years wide.
We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
We go round every two hundred million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.


And, yes, you can downlaod the songs from Monty python from various palces. Like the albums they released, and limewire.

[kakashi]

I have the whole box set of the Flying Circus! I was so happy when I got it for Christmas.

[Aratos]

Ah, but do you have the scripts?

told you I was sad.

[kakashi]

All on my computer.

[Aratos]

Computer compschmuter. I'm talking about the officially licensed hardback volumes (available at all good bookstores). Big difference.

More importantly, does anyone else think Holy Grail coulda had a better ending? Supposedly they were planning on finding the grail in Harrods but couldn't get permission...

[LordD]

mp&the holy grail was so funny, i'm laughing my ass off every time i see it!

Supposedly they were planning on finding the grail in Harrods but couldn't get permission...
wow, that would've been so cool! but alas....though the current ending is also very much MP-style.

"We're Knights of the Round Table,
We dance when ere we're able,
We do routines and chorus scenes
With footwork impeccable.
We dine well here in Camelot,
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot.
We're Knights of the Round Table,
Our shows are formidable, But many times, we're given rhymes
That are quite unsingable.
We're Opera mad in Camelot,
We sing from the diaphragma looooooot.
In war we're tough and able,
Quite indefatigable,
Between our quests we sequin vests,
And impersonate Clark Gable.
It's a busy life in Camelot,
I have to push the pram a lot."

"on second thought, let's not go there; it is a silly place"

[Aratos]

Incidently, I can't allow the criminal missing out of the last few spoken lines of always look on the bright side of life go unfixed. So here they are.

"See? It's the end of the film now"
"This'll all be dismantled in a few days"
"Incidently, this record is available in the foyer. Some of us got to live too, y'know."
"Who d'ya think pays for all this rubbish?"
"They'll never make the money back you know."
"I said to them I did. Bernie, I said, they'll never make their money back."

It's a reference to EMI. Basically, EMI were going to produce life of brian, but cancelled after they lost a huge amount of money by signing the sex pistols. They cancelled life of brian to get the cash back, and George Harrison (yes, that George Harrison) stepped in to fund it instead. Bernie was the fellow that made the decision to cancel the prduction of the film.

[haleth1]

I bow my head in respect. I stand before true masters.

[Aratos]

And lets not forget the Holzfällerliederhosen Song from Monty Python's Fliegender Zirkus.

Ich bin ein Holzfäller und fühl mich stark,
Ich schlaf des Nachts und hack am Tag.

Er ist ein Holzfäller und fühlt sich stark,
Er schläft des Nachts und hackt am Tag.

Ich fälle Bäume, ich ess mein Brot,
Ich geh auf das WC,
Am Mittwoch geh ich shopping,
Kau Kekse zum Kaffee.

Er fällt die Bäume, er isst sein Brot,
Er geht auf das WC,
Am Mittwoch geht er shopping,
Kaut Kekse zum Kaffee.

Ich bien (Er ist) ein Holzfäller und fühlt sich stark,
Ich (Er) schläft des Nachts und hackt am Tag.

Ich fälle Bäume und hüpf und spring,
Steck Blumen in die Vas'
Ich schlüpf in Frauenkleider
Und lümmel mich in Bars.

Er fällt die Bäume, er hüpft und springt,
Steckt Blumen in die Vas'
Er schlüpft in Frauenkleider
Und lümmelt sich in Bars...?

Ich bien (Er ist) ein Holzfäller und fühlt sich stark,
Ich (Er) schläft des Nachts und hackt am Tag.

Ich fälle Bäume, trag Stöckelschuh
Und Strumpf- und Büstenhalter.
Wär gern ein kleines Mädchen
So wie mein Onkel Walter.

Er fällt die Bäume, trägt Stöckelschuh
Und Strumpf- und Büstenhalter...?
...Wär gern ein kleines Mädchen
So wie mein Onkel Walter!

[LordD]

lolrofl!
that's just...so ~wrong~
XD

[Jacku]

And lets not forget the Holzfällerliederhosen Song from Monty Python's Fliegender Zirkus.

I actually understand part of that. Now if only I could take another German class.

[chocopocko]

I bow my head in respect. I stand before true masters.

im with her. you guys are truely obsessed. now i have an idol(s).

[tsukasa]

Just a flesh wound

[Aratos]

The Holzfällerliederhosen song wrong? It's a classic. Monty Python's Fliegender Zirkus is also something I've been desperately trying to get at with no success. Not available in shops y'see.

[tsukasa]

Can I get Just Spam?
Just Spam? EUGH!

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam,
Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam,
Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam,

Shut up! *thwack* Shut up! Be Quiet!

[Aratos]

God: What are you doing now?
King Arthur: Averting our eyes, oh Lord.
God: Well, don't. It's just like those miserable psalms, always so depressing.

[Jacku]

Can I get Just Spam?
Just Spam? EUGH!

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam,
Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam,
Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam,

Shut up! *thwack* Shut up! Be Quiet!

Ew! I don't want any spam!

[LordD]

Bring out your dead!

Bring out your dead!

[Aratos]

I'm not dead yet!

ROBIN (spoken):
Here, he says he's not dead!

LANCE (spoken):
Yes he is.

DAD (spoken):
I feel happy. I feel happy.
(sung)
I am not dead yet
I can dance and I can sing
I am not dead yet
I can do the Highland Fling

I am not dead yet
No need to go to bed
No need to call the doctor
Cause I'm not yet dead.

BODIES:
He is not yet dead
That's what the geezer said
No, he's not yet dead
That man is off his head

He is not yet dead
So put him back in bed
Keep him off the cart because he's not yet dead.

Well now he's dead
You whacked him on the head
Sure, now he's dead
It makes me just see red
You are such a brute
To murder that old coot
You homicidal bastard, now he's really dead
Who is the knave who put him in his grave
And who needs to manage his anger?

LANCE:
My name is Lancelot
I'm big, and strong, and hot.
Occasionally I do
Some things that I should not.

ROBIN:
I want to be a knight
But I don't like to fight
I'm rather scared I may
Just simply run away

LANCE:
I'll be right with you
Robin, through and through and through
So stick with me
And I'll show you what to do

ROBIN:
We'll remain good chums
You can teach me how to dance

ROBIN & LANCE:
We're going to enlist

ROBIN
I'm Robin

LANCE
And I'm Lance

CHORUS:
Oh we're off to war
Because we're not yet dead
We will all enlist
As the Knights that Arthur led.

DAD:
I am coming too
My name will be Sir Fred
I'll be your musician
Cos I'm not yet dead

CHORUS:
Oh we're not yet dead
To Camelot we go
To enlist instead
To try and earn some dough
And so although
We should have stayed in bed
We're going off to war
Because we're not yet dead

FRED:
I am coming, too
My name will be Sir Fred
I'll be your musician
'Cause I'm not yet dead

LANCE:
To kill
I will
It gives me such a thrill

ROBIN:
To sing
And dance
And keep an eye on Lance

ALL:
We're going off to war
We'll have girlfriends by the score

DAD:
We'll be shot by Michael Moore!

ALL: Because we're not yet dead.